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A burrito the size of a VW bus.
A burrito the size of a VW bus.
Yelp

One Dozen Gloriously Gluttonous Meals For Your Cheat Day

Self-control is overrated.

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A burrito the size of a VW bus.
| Yelp

The best part about making New Year’s resolutions is breaking them. Sure, cooking at home and avoiding sugar, beer, and fatty foods is theoretically great. But when your mind and body declines into a passionless abyss your willpower to avoid life’s true pleasures will be no more. Pastries, bacon, caviar, chicken liver, foie gras, pasta, poutine and pulled pork, it all awaits your consumption! (Listed in no particular caloric order.)

- by Theresa Swaney

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Note: Restaurants on this map are listed geographically.

1. Patisserie 46

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4552 Grand Ave S
Minneapolis, MN 55419
(612) 354-3257
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Making a New Year’s resolution to cut back on sugar is difficult when Patisserie 46 continues to keep its doors open. Don’t be distracted by the glistening glazes, rainbow-colored macarons, and delicately layered cakes, the real guilty pleasure at this award-winning South Minneapolis bakery is their light and fluffy éclair. The queen of the pastry case, this elegant hollow oblong pastry is filled with vanilla custard and topped with chocolate.

2. Birchwood Cafe

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3311 E 25th St
Minneapolis, MN 55406
(612) 722-4474
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There are hotel waffles and then there's Birchwood Cafe’s savory waffle. One will have you regretting your entire trip to Mt. Rushmore and the other will have you seeing a divine light. This waffle, made from squash, current and Gruyere, is topped with bacon lardoons, spicy pumpkin seeds, a sunny-side up egg and maple syrup, for goodness sakes! Do not let Birchwood’s healthy organic vibe fool you; this savory waffle is blissfully filling.
Joy Summers

3. Matt's Bar

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3500 Cedar Ave S
Minneapolis, MN 55407
(612) 722-7072
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Not all decant meals need be white tablecloth affairs. Take for example the Juicy Lucy from Matt’s Bar. This 500+ calorie cheese-filled hamburger is served with little to no fanfare--unless you consider the warning about scalding hot cheese fanfare. For good measure, add in an enormous basket of crispy French fries and few glasses of Grain Belt. This is Minnesota decadence at it’s finest.
Eater file photo

4. Heyday

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2700 Lyndale Ave S
Minneapolis, MN 55408
(612) 200-9369
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Everything at Heyday is indulgent--from the deep wood paneling, exposed brick, and chandeliers to the food and drinks. Immerse yourself in this indulgence with a trip for brunch and an order of their biscuits and gravy. On the plate, two poached eggs lay next to soft flakey biscuits that are smothered in thick, spicy sausage gravy. Throw in a cocktail or two and you won’t even remember you have a gym membership.

5. Eat Street Social

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2600 Nicollet Ave
Minneapolis, MN 55408
(612) 767-6850
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At Eat Street Social decadence is found in the cocktails. These glasses are packed beyond recognition with ingredients and flavors that put your weekly tequila sunrises to shame. Take, for example, their current Sailing the Seas of Cheese cocktail. This sweet and savory concoction starts with blue cheese infused gin and finishes with condensed milk and pineapple-vanilla syrup. Do you even need to order dinner?
Joy Summers

6. Bar La Grassa

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800 Washington Ave N
Minneapolis, MN 55401
(612) 333-3837
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Bar La Grassa has capitalized on an important fact about the human species: we crave carbs. We especially crave carbs when they are surrounded by braised meats and savory sauces. The good news is that Bar La Grassa does exactly this. In particular, their fresh cavatelli pasta with a braised rabbit and pancetta ragu is as shamefully enjoyable as wearing sweatpants to the grocery store. Don’t fight your will power here; order the large bowl of pasta.

7. Ted Cook's 19th Hole Barbeque

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2814 E 38th St
Minneapolis, MN 55406
(612) 721-2023
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Imagine a full slab of hickory and cherry wood pit smoked pork ribs. Now imagine a grueling spin class at the gym. While you could definitely do both, a visit to Ted Cook’s in South Minneapolis is a whole heck of a lot easier. The hardest part of this meal will be licking the tangy barbecue sauce off your fingers. Forget about spin class and start climbing this mountain of meat!

8. The Blue Door Pub

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1819 Selby Ave.
Saint Paul, MN 55104
(651) 493-1865
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There are few dishes more belt-loosening than tater tot nachos, affectionately known as totchos. While the mystery and lore surrounding this dish is difficult to pin down, the Blue Door Pub easily elevates everyone’s favorite fluffy fried potato to opulent status. Every Monday night is Totcho Monday at this neighborhood bar & restaurant. While the tater tots stay the same the toppings range from pulled brisket and bacon to coleslaw and pierogies.

9. 112 Eatery

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112 N 3rd St
Minneapolis, MN 55401
(612) 343-7696
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The dark brown wooden tables and maroon brick walls of 112 Eatery contrasts nicely with the pristine milky white sheen of their tres leches cake. If you aren’t already stuffed, this sumptuous spongy cake will tip you way over the edge. A square shaped food coma sitting in a cool pool of sweetened condensed milk this tres leches cake is helplessly waiting your inevitable wanton destruction of its addictive flavors.

10. El Burrito Mercado

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175 Cesar Chavez St
Saint Paul, MN 55107
(651) 227-2192
Visit Website
While they do a lot of things well, the name says it all--El Burrito Mercado excels at burritos. When you are ready to break your New Year’s resolution to eat out less, the Mercado’s Burrito Ahogado at $8.99, has a great ratio of cash to calories. Here’s how it goes: They fill it with any variety of stewed meat you crave and then stuff it with rice, beans, cheese, lettuce, and tomato. Next, they roll it up, smother it in red sauce, sprinkle it with cheese, and broil it to a cheesy golden brown.

11. World Street Kitchen

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2743 Lyndale Ave S
Minneapolis, MN 55408
(612) 424-8855
Visit Website
The MFC biscuit sandwich inside chef Sameh Wadi's more casual restaurant is best only attacked when ravenous enough to summit the Kilimanjaro of hangry mountains. Morrocan spiced fried chicken is tucked into a fluffy, scratch made biscuit, smeared with a feta cheese sauce and topped with preserved lemon-spiked carrot slaw - because a salad makes it healthy. -Joy Summers

12. The Rabbit Hole

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920 E Lake St
Minneapolis, MN 55407
(612) 208-0428
Visit Website
You don't have to go in like the titular title characters for the Harold and Kumar poutine at The Rabbit Hole. But, you are going to want to do something to work up an appetite serious enough to take down these perfectly fluffy French fries, doused in curry-spiced gravy, smothered in tender meat and gooey cheese curds. The over-the-topped killer that makes this dish a winner is the poached egg served on top. Somehow that addition makes this dish a full meal. - Joy Summers

1. Patisserie 46

4552 Grand Ave S, Minneapolis, MN 55419
Making a New Year’s resolution to cut back on sugar is difficult when Patisserie 46 continues to keep its doors open. Don’t be distracted by the glistening glazes, rainbow-colored macarons, and delicately layered cakes, the real guilty pleasure at this award-winning South Minneapolis bakery is their light and fluffy éclair. The queen of the pastry case, this elegant hollow oblong pastry is filled with vanilla custard and topped with chocolate.
4552 Grand Ave S
Minneapolis, MN 55419

2. Birchwood Cafe

3311 E 25th St, Minneapolis, MN 55406
Joy Summers
There are hotel waffles and then there's Birchwood Cafe’s savory waffle. One will have you regretting your entire trip to Mt. Rushmore and the other will have you seeing a divine light. This waffle, made from squash, current and Gruyere, is topped with bacon lardoons, spicy pumpkin seeds, a sunny-side up egg and maple syrup, for goodness sakes! Do not let Birchwood’s healthy organic vibe fool you; this savory waffle is blissfully filling.
3311 E 25th St
Minneapolis, MN 55406

3. Matt's Bar

3500 Cedar Ave S, Minneapolis, MN 55407
Eater file photo
Not all decant meals need be white tablecloth affairs. Take for example the Juicy Lucy from Matt’s Bar. This 500+ calorie cheese-filled hamburger is served with little to no fanfare--unless you consider the warning about scalding hot cheese fanfare. For good measure, add in an enormous basket of crispy French fries and few glasses of Grain Belt. This is Minnesota decadence at it’s finest.
3500 Cedar Ave S
Minneapolis, MN 55407

4. Heyday

2700 Lyndale Ave S, Minneapolis, MN 55408
Everything at Heyday is indulgent--from the deep wood paneling, exposed brick, and chandeliers to the food and drinks. Immerse yourself in this indulgence with a trip for brunch and an order of their biscuits and gravy. On the plate, two poached eggs lay next to soft flakey biscuits that are smothered in thick, spicy sausage gravy. Throw in a cocktail or two and you won’t even remember you have a gym membership.
2700 Lyndale Ave S
Minneapolis, MN 55408

5. Eat Street Social

2600 Nicollet Ave, Minneapolis, MN 55408
Joy Summers
At Eat Street Social decadence is found in the cocktails. These glasses are packed beyond recognition with ingredients and flavors that put your weekly tequila sunrises to shame. Take, for example, their current Sailing the Seas of Cheese cocktail. This sweet and savory concoction starts with blue cheese infused gin and finishes with condensed milk and pineapple-vanilla syrup. Do you even need to order dinner?
2600 Nicollet Ave
Minneapolis, MN 55408

6. Bar La Grassa

800 Washington Ave N, Minneapolis, MN 55401
Bar La Grassa has capitalized on an important fact about the human species: we crave carbs. We especially crave carbs when they are surrounded by braised meats and savory sauces. The good news is that Bar La Grassa does exactly this. In particular, their fresh cavatelli pasta with a braised rabbit and pancetta ragu is as shamefully enjoyable as wearing sweatpants to the grocery store. Don’t fight your will power here; order the large bowl of pasta.
800 Washington Ave N
Minneapolis, MN 55401

7. Ted Cook's 19th Hole Barbeque

2814 E 38th St, Minneapolis, MN 55406
Imagine a full slab of hickory and cherry wood pit smoked pork ribs. Now imagine a grueling spin class at the gym. While you could definitely do both, a visit to Ted Cook’s in South Minneapolis is a whole heck of a lot easier. The hardest part of this meal will be licking the tangy barbecue sauce off your fingers. Forget about spin class and start climbing this mountain of meat!
2814 E 38th St
Minneapolis, MN 55406

8. The Blue Door Pub

1819 Selby Ave., Saint Paul, MN 55104
There are few dishes more belt-loosening than tater tot nachos, affectionately known as totchos. While the mystery and lore surrounding this dish is difficult to pin down, the Blue Door Pub easily elevates everyone’s favorite fluffy fried potato to opulent status. Every Monday night is Totcho Monday at this neighborhood bar & restaurant. While the tater tots stay the same the toppings range from pulled brisket and bacon to coleslaw and pierogies.
1819 Selby Ave.
Saint Paul, MN 55104

9. 112 Eatery

112 N 3rd St, Minneapolis, MN 55401
The dark brown wooden tables and maroon brick walls of 112 Eatery contrasts nicely with the pristine milky white sheen of their tres leches cake. If you aren’t already stuffed, this sumptuous spongy cake will tip you way over the edge. A square shaped food coma sitting in a cool pool of sweetened condensed milk this tres leches cake is helplessly waiting your inevitable wanton destruction of its addictive flavors.
112 N 3rd St
Minneapolis, MN 55401

10. El Burrito Mercado

175 Cesar Chavez St, Saint Paul, MN 55107
While they do a lot of things well, the name says it all--El Burrito Mercado excels at burritos. When you are ready to break your New Year’s resolution to eat out less, the Mercado’s Burrito Ahogado at $8.99, has a great ratio of cash to calories. Here’s how it goes: They fill it with any variety of stewed meat you crave and then stuff it with rice, beans, cheese, lettuce, and tomato. Next, they roll it up, smother it in red sauce, sprinkle it with cheese, and broil it to a cheesy golden brown.
175 Cesar Chavez St
Saint Paul, MN 55107

11. World Street Kitchen

2743 Lyndale Ave S, Minneapolis, MN 55408
The MFC biscuit sandwich inside chef Sameh Wadi's more casual restaurant is best only attacked when ravenous enough to summit the Kilimanjaro of hangry mountains. Morrocan spiced fried chicken is tucked into a fluffy, scratch made biscuit, smeared with a feta cheese sauce and topped with preserved lemon-spiked carrot slaw - because a salad makes it healthy. -Joy Summers
2743 Lyndale Ave S
Minneapolis, MN 55408

12. The Rabbit Hole

920 E Lake St, Minneapolis, MN 55407
You don't have to go in like the titular title characters for the Harold and Kumar poutine at The Rabbit Hole. But, you are going to want to do something to work up an appetite serious enough to take down these perfectly fluffy French fries, doused in curry-spiced gravy, smothered in tender meat and gooey cheese curds. The over-the-topped killer that makes this dish a winner is the poached egg served on top. Somehow that addition makes this dish a full meal. - Joy Summers
920 E Lake St
Minneapolis, MN 55407

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